Man is not made for life without social contact and communication. The chronicler and the Franciscan Salimbene of Parma recorded an experiment that is connected to the Staufer Frederick II. Looking for the original language of men, children are given to poor people who were not allowed to communicate with them nor show them any signs of love in order to find out the original spoken language of the people.
They used to close them in the dungeon, bringing them only food. They were forbidden to touch them or speak to them. This experiment has had devastating consequences. All of the children who were deprived of every communication died. It is believed that socializing with people and language learning is one of the existential conditions of life.
Unlike the mass communication, face to face communication or personal communication has the advantage of focusing all the attention to facial mimic and by doing so, directly interpreting signals. There is a constant feedback between the communication partners in the form of questions and alternating conversation. According to University Professor Samy Molcho, 80% communication belongs to the nonverbal communication.
With facial expressions and gestures, body posture works very effectively to others. During communication, an influence is essential. The term "influence" refers to positive or negative effects, for example, if we smile at the vendor, we want an equal reaction from her. Studies have shown that each type of communication begins with the resistance. It is believed that this type of resistance is inherent and that it protects people from unwanted feelings of pain or discomfort.
When people become aware of the impact of one person to another, their behavior becomes interconnected and synchronized. Paul Watzlawick observes that kind of associated behavior as a type of communication and summarizes it as a certain axiom: "you cannot communicate". According to this axiom, a very universal communication concept occurs. For example, the silence and the look in the distance can be interpreted as a message: "I don't want to talk". Negation of communication is already a kind of communication.
The methods and types of interpersonal relationships that affect interpersonal communication are behavior and attitude towards communication partner. Empathy is the ability and willingness to feel, to think, to recognize emotions, motives and personality traits of other people and understand them. Empathy is also the ability to respond to other people's feelings such as pity, sorrow, pain, helplessness, and compassion. Recent brain researches show a clear differentiation between empathy and compassion.
Social status and social function affect communication. The same messages can be understood in different ways when the speaker sees himself in different roles, for example in the role of the colleague, or the boss. Analysis and description of relationships among people often go beyond the communication processes. Many of the ambiguities can destroy interpersonal communication. This includes uncertainty about the purpose of communication: sometimes it is unclear what the speaker wants to achieve.
Understanding starts with the common cultural background and it is aimed at the compatibility of the experiences. At the level of interpersonal relations, misunderstandings can emerge through the different ways of presenting ourselves to the outside. People often try to affect how others perceive them. This occurs through the following types of behavior: leaving a good impression, presenting a person smaller than he believes he is, and covering. This kind of communication greatly complicates the assessment of the other person.
Misunderstanding in communication can occur if the message of the interlocutor is too implicitly addressed, indirect or too diffuse. If the recipient of the message does not understand the ambiguity of the pronounced message or doesn't understand its irony, a misunderstanding in communication can also occur. There are different reasons why these kinds of misunderstandings happen, like fear of rejection, avoidance of shame, and humiliation.
Misunderstandings in communication occur frequently. A prerequisite for avoiding misunderstandings during communication is the consciousness of particular behaviors. There are various measures that can reduce the misunderstandings in communication. These are, for example, mental preparation for future situations and relationships with others, avoiding ambiguity and giving feedback.
A person should clarify to the communication partner what is understood from the expressed content, if the content is not clear, then a person should ask a speaker to explain the received message or paraphrase the expressed content. Disorders and conflicts occur during communication if the speaker and interlocutor perceive the expressed content in different ways. This leads to misunderstandings, and then to the conflict.
Social conflict arises when the situation becomes filled with negative feelings and suspense, in which two or more parties are in an interdependent position and are violently trying to accomplish incompatible action plans, and they are aware that there are opposing sides that do not agree with them. According to Uryu, the conflict occurs because people do not agree and therefore comes to the appearance of negative feelings.
Interpersonal conflicts occur between two or more persons (social conflict, the micro-social level); two or more groups (a structural conflict, meso-social level); organization (cultural conflict, the macro-social level). In the home or school environment, conflicts happen at the micro and meso-social level. Conflicts tend to be wider in the direction of the participant, and are gaining additional seriousness. In a conflict between two people or groups, opposed sides seek allies who are trying to support their position. If more people are involved in the conflict, it is more difficult to find a constructive solution.
There are hot and cold conflicts. Sides in hot conflicts are characterized by fierce mood changes. They are inspired by ideals and believe that their reason is much better than the one of the other sides. If the other party is trying to realize its ideals, conflict is inevitable. In hot conflicts, confrontation of the parties is common. Clarification of the mutual relations is relatively quickly.
In cold conflicts, warring parties will meet with deep disappointment and frustrations. This form of conflict is less obvious but equally destructive in its effect, if not even more than a hot conflict. This type of conflict contributes to the reduction of self-esteem significantly more than in hot conflicts.
Which factors determine interpersonal attraction? Physical attraction stems from the fact that people prefer individuals who look good. There are certain stereotypes that are connected with attractiveness. Attractive people are attributed with positive traits such as confidence and warmth, they are social and popular. According to Snyder, Thin and Berscheid telephone conversations vary depending on whether the conversation is lead with an attractive person or with a less attractive person.
Researchers have dealt with the question of what kind of individuals pay much attention to physical appearance and which traits they consider. Studies have shown that men pay more attention to the physical appearance of the partner than women. Psychologists explain this claim by saying that attractive physical appearance indicates the youth, health and the ability for further reproduction when it comes to women. Women find status more important than the beauty of the chosen partner. Physical characteristics which could be interpreted as an indicator of the status are height and athletic physical structure.
Researches show that people like individuals who are similar to them. According to Hays friends are similarly based on age, marital status, and intelligence. Friends often have a similar attitude and behavior in certain situations. If a person is positive in certain situations, it is very likely that positive feelings transfer to the surroundings. Similarity among people improves the interaction, while the interaction with people who are different from us is avoided.
Physical attractiveness and similarity are in high correlation with the degree of attractiveness. Besides attractiveness and similarity, proximity is another important factor. Researches show that the more frequent we see or communicate with a particular person, it is more likely that we're going to make friends with her or get closer.
Which factors determine interpersonal attraction? Physical attraction stems from the fact that people prefer individuals who look good. There are certain stereotypes that are connected with attractiveness. Attractive people are attributed with positive traits such as confidence and warmth, they are social and popular. According to Snyder, Thin and Berscheid telephone conversations vary depending on whether the conversation is lead with an attractive person or with a less attractive person.
Researchers have dealt with the question of what kind of individuals pay much attention to physical appearance and which traits they consider. Studies have shown that men pay more attention to the physical appearance of the partner than women. Psychologists explain this claim by saying that attractive physical appearance indicates the youth, health and the ability for further reproduction when it comes to women. Women find status more important than the beauty of the chosen partner. Physical characteristics which could be interpreted as an indicator of the status are height and athletic physical structure.
Researches show that people like individuals who are similar to them. According to Hays friends are similarly based on age, marital status, and intelligence. Friends often have a similar attitude and behavior in certain situations. If a person is positive in certain situations, it is very likely that positive feelings transfer to the surroundings. Similarity among people improves the interaction, while the interaction with people who are different from us is avoided.
Physical attractiveness and similarity are in high correlation with the degree of attractiveness. Besides attractiveness and similarity, proximity is another important factor. Researches show that the more frequent we see or communicate with a particular person, it is more likely that we're going to make friends with her or get closer.
Robert Bolton dealt with the issue of interpersonal relations. He believed that people were eager for a close and intense relationships. People feel lonely because they don't know how to establish close relations although they may be surrounded by a large number of people. The ability that helps the creation of interpersonal relationships is communication. Communication makes the foundation of the interaction of two or more persons. The way of communication is learned from parents who probably were not skilled communicators. During communication, listening is the hardest part.
Very often there is a need for expressing one's own opinion which serves more as an act of judgment of the interlocutor. Close people are the most common subject of criticizing because there is a constant need for changing people and customizing them according to one's own being. Bolton differs terms listening and hearing. Listening is considered to be an act of psychological connection with the other individual when the received information is processed and registered.
Good communication is attainable if enough attention is given to the interlocutor. Paying enough attention to the person means that it is not desirable to look around the room, and wander with thoughts, but to focus on the eyes and mind of the interlocutor. It is very important to follow movement and mimic of the interlocutor because 80% of communication is nonverbal. There are many studies that have dealt with verbal communication and attempted to reveal body positions that disclose deception. Most people learned how to control their mimic and in this way they achieve deception. Studies have shown that foot is the most honest indicator of non-verbal communication because they are not prone to manipulation.
By paraphrasing, we create the impression that we listen carefully to the interlocutor. If you often use the interlocutor's words, we let him know that we understand him. During the communication, we should direct our attention to the feeling we create, not to the words. Feeling directs us in the right direction. Very often, during an argument, the spoken words are not so severe, but the way they are spoken is what hurts the most. It is believed that verbal assertiveness is a good way of avoiding unnecessary conflict. By using verbal assertiveness, we reserve the possibility of expression of attitude, but in doing so, it is important not to use aggressiveness. This is considered to be the most effective communication skill. We leave our interlocutors the choice to respond in the same way, ie. with dignity without a hostile attitude.
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Eric Berne's is a famous psychiatrist and he set the basis in the field of psychotherapy. He participated in a variety of scientific researches. One study had shocking results. Children who have been deprived of physical touch mentally and physically fell apart. Adults, as well as children, need physical contact. Since the physical contact is not constantly available, adults compensate it with other emotional symbols, eg. praises, love letter, etc.
The research of Dr. Eric Bern showed that human beings need contact. The results showed that people prefer either positive or negative contact, better than his absence. He believes that people are highly motivated by their own personal use and that everyone plays their own game with a hidden motive. Life is described as playing poker, anyone invests for himself and plays for himself, but skillfully hides the cards. In the world of business, the personal benefit can be certain cash winning, while in close relationships that refers to the achievement of greater control or some type of satisfaction.
Dr. Eric Berne found that in every individual there are three states of ego which are conflicting to the model according to Freud. He describes the three states of ego in the following way: the first is the attitude and mindset of the parents; the other is the rational and logical mind of an adult; the third is the imagination of the child. He claims that, based on the situation in which we are, we take over the role of a parent, adult or child. It is easy to transfer from one state to another, for example, at one point, we use the child's curiosity, and in the other, we express our frustrations to a specific situation.
Berne argued that marital partners transfer frustrations one to another. Many people feel limited in marriage because their spouse doesn't provide them with what they imagined they should. Berne cites the example of a woman who wanted to learn to dance, but she blamed her husband because he did not like to go out and dance. When he enrolled in the course of the dance, she realized that she is afraid of public appearances and dropped out of the course. Berne assumes that people accuse their spouses of their own shortcomings and problems. People who constantly play games are becoming auto destructive. By playing games, the level of interest and curiosity often retains, but after the long period of time, a player can become psychotic.
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Interpersonal relationship is directly linked to communication. Therefore, the same conditions which are valid for a successful communication, are also valid for the successful establishment of the relationship. Interpersonal communication is the subject of the work of therapists and psychologists.
According to Erickson, the establishment of relations during psychotherapy is the most important part of the treatment process. He believes that the encroachment into the past of the patient and the search for problems in the past is not the proper approach. Erickson engaged in the hypnosis which became the main tool of his work. He believed that in the treatment process, the establishment of relations contributes to the fact that through the cooperation with the patient, he is actually through his area of the unconscious. Body language, mimic and various other reactions can help in the understanding of the ways in which certain individuals can be accessed.
Erickson believed that in establishing a relationship, we often ignore our subconscious that can be helpful. Through our subconscious, we accept any information, such as feelings of presentiment that are most commonly correct, for example in the conclusion of the business contract in which all of the conditions are good, but we've got a bad feeling about it.
In order to successfully establish relations with others, it is necessary to show interest in the interlocutor. You should ask the questions addressed about their lives, for example, related to family, partner, life events, children, etc. Such communication shouldn't be aggressive or curious, but one should carefully listen to the interlocutor. For the establishment of a relationship, it is essential that both sides are open in the conversation and that both sides share personal things in order to create a feeling of confidence. If only one side opens up, the other side may withdraw during the conversation.
